Six questions, five outcomes, nothing collected. It runs entirely in your browser and I never see a single answer, so you may as well be honest — it is considerably funnier that way.
the questions
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1. The group chat goes quiet three days before. What do you do?
- Send a message with a time, a place and a plan B
- Ask what everyone's wearing, then offer to do their liner
- Nothing. It'll sort itself out, it always does
- Send the lineup for one specific room and nothing else
- Suggest something completely different and much worse
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2. It's two hours before. Where are you?
- Ready, sat down, watching everyone else panic
- Someone else's bedroom floor, four people, one mirror
- Outside, having a conversation that has gone on too long
- Still in a towel, but the playlist is immaculate
- Just woken up from a nap I insisted I wouldn't take
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3. Where do you actually spend the night?
- Circulating. Checking everyone's alright. Holding the coats
- The toilets, fixing strangers' hair and hearing life stories
- Outside. It's where the actual conversation happens
- Front left, near the speaker, from arrival until close
- Somewhere nobody can find me and I couldn't explain either
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4. Someone in the group is having a bad one.
- Water, a chair, a taxi booked, situation handled
- Sit with them, fix their face, tell them they look unreal
- Take them outside for twenty minutes. Always works
- Drag them back on. The song is literally starting
- I am, on this occasion, the one having a bad one
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5. Last song of the night. Reaction?
- Right — coats, headcount, everyone out together
- Photo. Now. While we all still look like this
- I heard it from outside and that was fine by me
- Genuine grief. Openly. In front of everyone
- Ask a stranger where they're going next
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6. How does it end?
- Everyone home, everyone texted, everyone accounted for
- Three of us in one bed dissecting the entire evening
- Sat on a wall with chips, solving one friend's whole life
- Kicked out at close, still going, on the wrong bus
- Nobody's entirely sure and I'm not clarifying
the results
◈ The One Holding It Together
Without you there is no night out. You booked it, you know where everyone is, you have the spare charger, and you have quietly got at least two people home safely without ever mentioning it. Everyone else thinks the night just happens. You know exactly what it costs.
✧ Best Part Is Before
The two hours on somebody's bedroom floor with one mirror between four people is the actual event and the night out is the afterparty. You do everyone's liner, you know exactly what to say about an outfit, and you are the reason the photos from the start are always the best ones.
❋ Never Left The Smoking Area
You came for the conversation and the music is honestly a bit loud. Somewhere out there, on a step, you have had four of the most important conversations of the year with people you had never met before. You hear the last song from outside and you are entirely at peace with that.
▲ Dancefloor Lifer
Front left, near the speaker, from arrival until the lights come on. You did not come to talk. You picked the room for the sound system, you know when the good part of the track is coming, and you were visibly bereaved when it ended. Correct behaviour, frankly.
✷ The Reason There's A Story
No plan, no explanation, permanently three steps from something ridiculous. You disappear for forty minutes and return with new people. Everything memorable that has happened to your friend group was arguably your doing, and nobody, including you, would change it.